Fork Split?!? My Ass

I just have to say that this whole idea of “fork-split” English Muffins is a seriously goddamn misleading claim.

You know what? Cut it, or don’t cut it. Honestly, I really don’t care which. But don’t outright fucking lie and tell me that the two halves have somehow been separated, when clearly they have not. Attempting to actually separate these muffins results in little more than pile of torn, crumbled shame.

And it’s not just one brand, either. THEY ALL LIE.

It’s like the entire industry is rife with these passive aggressive asshole bakers, who want nothing more than to fuck up your entire day by failing at what should be the simple task of splitting two halves of an English muffin.

I'll be switching to toast now, jerks.